I was convinced I only had eyes for my partner.
I was deeply in love with her.
I was infatuated by her, besotted.
I believed in the classic fairytales of the romantic dream.
The one, the one and only.
Then it happened.
I meet someone else.
I felt the primal urges to ravish this woman.
The way she smelt, the way she smiled, the ways she made me feel…
The throws of lust and the rush of desire felt so strong as it throbbed through my veins.
But how could this be?
What was wrong with me?
I had given my partner my word and I meant it.
Was I a bad man?
I felt the pangs of guilt.
Shaming my feelings.
Believing the societal ideals as my truth.
“You can’t tell her”, my mind told me.
“She will hate you, despise you”.
And rightly so, I had declared my undying love for her.
“But I don’t want to live a lie anymore” I retort to the voice in my head.
I must be courageous and share my truth.
I can no longer convince myself that I know whats best for her.
I am scared. Scared I’ll hurt her, scared she’ll hate me.
scared she’ll leave me…
I must step into my fear and share from my heart.
As I looked into her eyes and shared my desire for the other woman,
I was greeted with a smile.
“I know baby, I see you.”
“What? How can this be?” My mind rushes.
“That must have been hard. No ones been that honest before.”
Tears pour down my face.
Exposing the vulnerability of my heart.
Breaking the cycle of shame.
And being accepted.
I was released, I was free to be me.
This moment gave me permission to feel safe in communicating my sexual desires to my partner.
The journey of radical truth and transparency comes with endless challenges and initiations.
Exposing these tender parts of myself opens me up to deeper intimacy and connection.
I am tested daily in my commitment to expressing from my heart.
I am often surprised by the response I am met with.
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